Inside Out

I have a thousand things I could put in this post; Mission Arizona is consuming my thoughts and yet I’m unprepared. My writing has dwindled to nearly nothing this week and my scripture reading has been sporadic. The conflicts in time and emphasis are poised to topple me over and in a heap. I’m in a struggle about MAZ coming up in two weeks; is this trip God’s ultimate will for me now? Is it something that He thinks is okay for me to do? Or, God forbid, is it not His will at all? The doubts are crushing and I should have seen them coming, they always do.

Still the only things I can think of to share right now are the words of a praise song from this morning that I’ll write as a prayer arrangement. “From the Inside Out” by Hillsong United:

A thousand times I’ve failed, still Your mercy remains and should I stumble again, still I’m caught in Your grace. Everlasting; Your light will shine when all else fades. Never-ending; Your glory goes beyond all fame.

Your will above all else, my purpose remains. The art of losing myself, in brining You praise. Everlasting. Never-ending.

In my heart, in my soul Lord, I give You control. Consume me from the inside out, Lord let justice and praise become my embrace to love You from the inside out.

Your glory goes beyond all fame and the cry of my heart is to bring You praise from the inside out.

Amen

The Good Shepherd

John 10: 11 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep”

Have you set yourself on a Lenten path of sacrifice, searching, and repentance? How is that going for you? As for me, for as long as I can remember I’ve been successful at giving things up for Lent, saying extra prayers, and getting to Easter in one piece. For this year I put the task of writing a page a day in front of me as my Lenten journey knowing I’d have to give up time wasting activities to do get it done and I’ve failed over the last several days. It takes self-discipline, the kind I apparently lack, to take something on and put aside other mindless activities. It is a lesson in failure for me but one that may be embedded deeper than those chocolate or soda free Lents of my past. While in college I took an Art History class mostly because I couldn’t draw, paint, or sculpt and I needed the “humanities” units. Our professor assigned us the task of finding a piece of art and sketching it out and then writing about the elements of the piece using our sketch to demonstrate our points. After many hours of trying to sketch out a simple charcoal drawing by Rembrandt and failing miserably just to get a semblance of his sketch on paper I was forced to give up. I couldn’t get the thing to fit the page or when I did the angles were completely wrong, and then the shading… I knew I was going to get my first F of college but I wanted to turn in something so I wrote “A Lesson in Failure” which was rewarded with an A and the explanation that my struggles in all the areas I described had given me a unique perspective and that the narrative of my struggles demonstrated that I had learned more that way than if a simple sketch came with no thought at all. Other artistic students had done some pretty nice drawings but were not rewarded as nicely as I had been. Now you know one of the reasons why I’m writing in the search for my creative side. We can learn from our Lenten mistakes because we have a good shepherd to take care of us and teach us.

Jesus is the good shepherd and it took the ultimate in self-discipline for him to lay down his life for us, his sheep. He sets the great example for us; surely we can lay aside rather simple self-seeking pleasures to take on the Kingdom purpose in our lives. If Jesus can lay down his life, I can set aside watching so much mindless TV, explore my creative side, and write a page a day. I can set aside being a mindless driving machine and be kinder on the road, set aside a driven goal at work and be a kinder colleague, or set aside my routine to listen to somebody in need of an ear before church service. I can.

John 10: 14 – 16a “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me – just as the Father knows me and I know the Father – and I lay down my life for the sheep. I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also.”

He is our shepherd, we know him, he knows the Father and through him we know the father. We must be like him and recognize when we are to be in the role of the good shepherd and lovingly tend the sheep that the Great Shepherd brings to us to care for. There are other sheep not in the sheep pen and we must bring them also and must protect them from the ravening wolves, those thieves and robbers who do not come through the gate to the sheep (John 10: 7-10). Jesus is the gate and we enter the pasture through him, become shepherds by him, and obtain the rewards of knowing the Father because of him and his sacrifice.

Good shepherds; find your sheep, tend your flocks.

On the Road to Emmaus

Luke 24, 13 – 35: “On the Road to Emmaus”                

Two men, one named Cleopas, took the opportunity of a seven mile walk from Jerusalem to Emmaus to talk about a tumultuous week for them where Jesus had made a triumphal entry to the city only to be buried a week later. They heard the news from the women that the body of Jesus was not found and that angels had told them He had be raised from the dead and yet they walked in unbelief along a dusty track when Jesus came to them and, I think, because of their unbelief they did not recognized them. Jesus could have told them then and there it was he they were discussing but he let them continue. I imagine that had they recognized him on their own they would have worshipped and had no need of the lessons Jesus was about to lay on them. Verse 27: “And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself.” Jesus broke bread with them in verse 30, their eyes were opened and he disappeared in verse 31 and then verse 32: “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” They got up at once and did better than a 10K to get back to where they belonged and shared the story with the Disciples.

Do you find it as I do, that along whatever part of life’s journey you are on that Jesus had been walking with you, explaining himself to you, and only afterwards did we recognize Him? Our hearts burn within us, we know something, someone, is right there but we do not see it. I do it all too frequently and it is because of my unbelief that I hadn’t seen Him there with me at my deepest need. We shouldn’t fret too much about that as long as we recognize Him when he breaks bread with us and then get back to where we belong and tell the story to the other disciples.

I cling to the thought of Jesus meeting me on the way because I am so frequently on the way and busy with the journey that I need to have him meet me in that way or I fear that I’ll miss him completely. For years during Mission Arizona I’ve sought Jesus out because I just couldn’t do what was needed and felt that the trip was failing, that I was failing. Most of the time I hear the still small voice tell me that He’ll meet me on the way so I get up from me seat in the desert, start gathering the kids from their quiet times believing that He’s there and that brings me peace. He has never failed to show himself in the children or adults of the team, the people of the reservation, or some other seemingly insignificant event. I’ll be moving through the day, herding the groups along, taking stock of our progress and then Jesus is there with us. What a fortunate man I am!

It is an awesome feeling to recognize Jesus in midst of the din and clutter of our lives during the hectic chase to complete all the tasks that we’ve piled up like a homecoming bonfire stack of wood. Imagine the cacophony of questions Cleopas and his pal were bombarded with once they related their experience to the Disciples. All the side discussions, the rumble of excitement and then Jesus himself is there with them and simply says “Peace be with you.” (Luke 24: 36) He had to settle them down just like we have to settle down our children and quiet their spirits so he could explain himself to them again and impart the lesson so they would be ready once the Holy Spirit came upon them at Pentecost. In verse 45 he opened their minds to understand the Scriptures. How I need that yet again, meet me in the way.

Jesus, open our minds to understand the Scriptures and see you here in our midst.