Every
once in a while I wonder what questions I would ask Jesus when I find myself in
His presence, as if I would have the capacity. I rather imagine that I’ll be prostrated at His
feet curious as to why I’m there and to what purpose I’d been called – is this
my final call and what list of charges will I be hearing at my sentencing? You
know, hearing all those things I’d done that I can’t imagine Christ forgiving
me for?
Still,
I think about what I would ask Jesus given the chance to speak in His presence.
Years ago I lost one of my best of friends to some drunk driver. The
circumstances of his death baffled me. He was the only passenger of five in his
car that died and the only one in it not to have a broken bone in his body. I told
myself that the first thing I would ask God is why Doug had to die so young and
so needlessly. Doug is the first person I led to Christ and it just didn’t seem
right for him to be gone so soon after. I held on to that question in anger and
anguish so tightly that it became a bitterness that divided me from my Savior.
It took the prayers and laying on of hands of a bunch of junior high kids and
their adult leaders to heal me of that bitterness more than 20 years after Doug
was killed.
What
questions do you have? I imagine they are similar to my old question – Why was
this or that person taken from me? – Why was I mistreated at the hands of
someone I loved and trusted? – Why do good people suffer at the hands of the
evil? – Why did my friend lose all hope? - Why was my prayer unanswered and
that person not healed? – and so on. I’ve had the question I talked about, all
these, and more. I’m not sure I’m strong enough or wise enough to hear the
answers.
Questions
of faith and doctrine might rest on our hearts but I think those will fade at
the sight of His glory and their importance to us vanish.
I
believe it is okay to harbor questions for Jesus. Just don’t do it in anger,
anger begets bitterness, bitterness separation. (The same can be said of anger
toward people) Our separation from God is the very reason Jesus went to the
cross and suffered on our behalf. His suffering closes the gap we’ve built, His
resurrection is power enough to make mute all of the questions. Don’t hold on
to your anger at unanswered questions so tightly you can’t grip the Lord’s hand
when it is offered. Even when you do hold too tight, some friend, an acquaintance, a random
stranger, or a group of wacky teenagers will come along and do you a kindness
that loosens your grip on bitterness and allows you to breathe again. I pray that it
to be so for you.
If
you need to hold on to a question do so in anguish. Jesus understands anguish better and more thoroughly than anyone can imagine. It was He who said on the
cross, “Father, why hast thou forsaken me?” Even though Christ knew the answer
He asked it in His darkest hour. In the Lord’s deep understanding of your
anguish you will be comforted.
What
questions do you have for God? Ponder them for a bit, let the ones go that are
too troublesome to your walk with Him, and hold lightly those you have in
anguish. Peace.
In
His grip,
jerry
