I Don't Understand

I Don’t Understand

I don’t understand Lord. How could this happen? We prayed and kept praying. Knocked and continued to knock. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to figure it out and can only hug my friend in her loss. Even then, how will this help us know why?

I think at times like this, when we lose someone dear to our hearts, especially our own children, that we lack the capacity to ken the reason for their passing. You could explain it in our own language, plain English for me, or any number of languages throughout the globe. I doubt I could even understand where it to come from the mouths of angels via the gift of tongues. It hurts and I doubt. This vexes me, a purported man of faith, to have no answer.

It is one thing to lose someone after a long and full life, say a parent who has aged and deteriorated, or even a spouse who has done the same. The emptiness and loss are real for this but we understand that we age and have a finite time on earth to live. We can grow to accept the loss though never really come to love the emptiness. But to lose someone in the fullness of their life struck down by random rebellious cells in their own body, someone who can bring so much to so many and ease their pains, how do we live with that?

As you now Lord, I lost a friend to a random and senseless accident well before he even touched on the potential of his life. I still don’t understand that one. You know I became bitter over it and the whole thing drove a wedge between you and me. It was only a miracle at the hands of a bunch of junior high kids praying over me that I was cured of the bitterness. I still have the question but have accepted it as the way things are.

But, from where will the miracle come for my friend? How will she understand, accept, and move along? The family needs peace, Kristy’s struggle has worn them out. A mother and father grieve. A husband and little boy are deeply saddened. Friends hang their heads and weep. Clients, people who’ve felt healing and wellness at her touch, have an empty spot in their hearts. Our community has a hole where once a bright and warm light emanated and provided comfort.

I don’t understand it and can’t give them the explanation they feel they need to come to grips with the deep longing for a better outcome of the struggle. I can only pray and hope for a miracle to find them, envelope them, and give them a purpose for continuing down the trail of life without her.

And so I do pray and hope and look for peace. Bring it Lord, quick and sure, bring peace to our hearts.

In Your grip Lord,

jerry