A year ago
tomorrow, my love was sweetened through the cost of bitter tears and tears of
relief and sadness, and some of love and thankfulness.
I had the onus of
sitting with my dad through his last hours, how many it does not matter. My
mother joined me for the last couple of hours or so, my brother-in-law spent
time with me and my sister as well. I say ‘onus’ and indeed, the task was
heavy. But onus is not quite the right word, too negative. It was not a pleasure, to be sure, but it was a place and time of honor, of the deepest intimacy that I
could experience with my dad, the moment in time when he reached a final peace
after what seemed an age of suffering.
We sat together with
him holding his hand and as he breathed his last three breaths and it was
eye-opening. He breathed free and easy for the first time in years and he went
with a look of astonished wonderment on his face knowing that he would be
breathing easy forever after.
All this is fine
but what did it do for me right after or what does it do for me now? It allowed
me to let go and love more sweetly. Love for my dad, for my mom, and for
anybody I am brave enough love – my kids, their kids, and a wide range of family
and friends and acquaintances. If I let myself do it.
I wish I’d known
this as a young man when I lost friends far too early, family so near, and as
an older man feeling the same as the losses grew. It is hard to forget them. Don’t
get me wrong, I’ve not been so encumbered by losing friends and family as
others, many others, maybe even most others.
Over the years I
have told others that they have big hearts. Hearts big enough to hold the
memories of a lost loved one and to continue loving others and even ‘another’.
It is no disrespect the departed to love more fiercely, more sweetly once they
have gone, it is an accolade to memories of them. As my friends David, Stephen, Graham, and Neil like to say, ‘love
the one you’re with.’
My cousin is
showing me this right now as they sit with her husband along with his mother,
her mother, their kids, and grandkids, as many as can be there. They are in a
place to love more. More sweetly. And they are doing so and inspiring me and
warming me up. Thank you, cousin.
Hug your loves
more tightly, speak to them more tenderly, laugh with them more often, be sweeter
to them always.
And yes, I believe
my love for Jesus has been so sweetened.
In His grip,
jerry
