My Heart Held Hostage
I
am rarely without my friend Webster except for those rare occasions when I am
off the grid or phoneless, like when I take a shower. Webster doesn’t go there
with me. He and I were discussing something that has been on my heart now for
weeks and he says this regarding the word ‘Hostage’:
1a
- person held by one party in a conflict as a pledge pending the fulfillment of
an agreement. 1b – a person taken by force to secure the taker’s demands. (Merriam-Webster
smartphone ap)
I
must confess. The reason ‘hostage’ has been on my heart is because I am holding
my heart hostage, as I frequently do. It looks sort of like this: ‘If the Dodgers
win, I’ll do this; if they lose, I get to do that.’, ‘If they call, I’ll do
this for them.’, ‘If that guy signals to get into my lane, I’ll let him in with
a smile; if they don’t signal, to darn bad for them!’, ‘If this happens, then I’ll
serve God today.’ – and so on.
When
I am in that mode of operation, even if the outcome is what I want, I won’t
really get all the benefits that I could have. In fact, my heart will be marred
and not truly free. Just like hostages in a bank takeover need therapy for PTSD
when they are released, so will my heart therapy. It is a no-win situation. The
minute I chain up my heart, I’ve lost.
Rather
than go to God and put demands on him for the Dodgers to win for him to get
what he wants from me, I need to enjoy the game for what it is and give in to
the Lord and be his servant. Except for maybe today when they lose 0-13, there
is no joy in a game like that, so I should just turn it off and write something
that might touch someone and meet them where they need to be met or when on the
road I need to be gracious and not be surly and even if they don’t call, I need
to be there for them.
It
gets more serious when my heart is held hostage over my walk of faith. If I hold
back because our worship isn’t the way I like it or even go so far as to think
I’ll change churches if it’s not my favorite way and at the time I want it to
be, then I have lost and however I worship will not be all that pleasing to the
Lord. I cannot say to myself that I will reject my church if the church does
not take a particular stand, then I have lost and even the service I do give the
church will gain me little and my effectiveness will be limited.
It
is not until I raise my hands in surrender that raising my hands in worship
hits the mark.
1 Corinthians 12:
17b – “But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body just
as He pleased.”
I confess that
over the years, and there have been many for me, I have on occasion been flummoxed
enough to pray about moving on. Thankfully, that verse in 1 Corinthians is
etched on my heart and I’ve sought the Lord rather than let my emotions get the
best of me and ride out of town. I’m too simple a person to understand the
whole purpose of God for me, I must listen.
It is not until I
take a knee and swear fealty to God that my heart will be unchained.
The writer in me
thinks of it like this – when I go through life writing my story and working to
fit God into it, the plot ultimately falls apart and the story makes no sense.
What I need to do is figure out how to chronical God’s story and my place it.
Then the plot works itself out and makes sense.
As I am
encouraging myself to unchain my heart from being a hostage against my own
desires, I encourage you to do so as well.
In His grip,
jj white
