My Heart Held Hostage

 

My Heart Held Hostage

I am rarely without my friend Webster except for those rare occasions when I am off the grid or phoneless, like when I take a shower. Webster doesn’t go there with me. He and I were discussing something that has been on my heart now for weeks and he says this regarding the word ‘Hostage’:

1a - person held by one party in a conflict as a pledge pending the fulfillment of an agreement. 1b – a person taken by force to secure the taker’s demands. (Merriam-Webster smartphone ap)

I must confess. The reason ‘hostage’ has been on my heart is because I am holding my heart hostage, as I frequently do. It looks sort of like this: ‘If the Dodgers win, I’ll do this; if they lose, I get to do that.’, ‘If they call, I’ll do this for them.’, ‘If that guy signals to get into my lane, I’ll let him in with a smile; if they don’t signal, to darn bad for them!’, ‘If this happens, then I’ll serve God today.’ – and so on.

When I am in that mode of operation, even if the outcome is what I want, I won’t really get all the benefits that I could have. In fact, my heart will be marred and not truly free. Just like hostages in a bank takeover need therapy for PTSD when they are released, so will my heart therapy. It is a no-win situation. The minute I chain up my heart, I’ve lost.

Rather than go to God and put demands on him for the Dodgers to win for him to get what he wants from me, I need to enjoy the game for what it is and give in to the Lord and be his servant. Except for maybe today when they lose 0-13, there is no joy in a game like that, so I should just turn it off and write something that might touch someone and meet them where they need to be met or when on the road I need to be gracious and not be surly and even if they don’t call, I need to be there for them.

It gets more serious when my heart is held hostage over my walk of faith. If I hold back because our worship isn’t the way I like it or even go so far as to think I’ll change churches if it’s not my favorite way and at the time I want it to be, then I have lost and however I worship will not be all that pleasing to the Lord. I cannot say to myself that I will reject my church if the church does not take a particular stand, then I have lost and even the service I do give the church will gain me little and my effectiveness will be limited.

It is not until I raise my hands in surrender that raising my hands in worship hits the mark.

1 Corinthians 12: 17b – “But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body just as He pleased.”

I confess that over the years, and there have been many for me, I have on occasion been flummoxed enough to pray about moving on. Thankfully, that verse in 1 Corinthians is etched on my heart and I’ve sought the Lord rather than let my emotions get the best of me and ride out of town. I’m too simple a person to understand the whole purpose of God for me, I must listen.

It is not until I take a knee and swear fealty to God that my heart will be unchained.

The writer in me thinks of it like this – when I go through life writing my story and working to fit God into it, the plot ultimately falls apart and the story makes no sense. What I need to do is figure out how to chronical God’s story and my place it. Then the plot works itself out and makes sense.

As I am encouraging myself to unchain my heart from being a hostage against my own desires, I encourage you to do so as well.

In His grip,

jj white

Battery Life

Isaiah 40:28-31 and 41:10^a – “²⁸Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. ²⁹He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. ³⁰Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; ³¹but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” And “^41:10afear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God”.

Have you ever been using a portable electronic device for something important to you? Like your smart-phone, iPad, or notebook computer for a work presentation, or an oral report for a class, or, God forbid, your Sunday sermon and your plan is to be *hip and sharp using the device for your notes instead of, gasp, paper? And the battery dies…you know, like the terrorist underling video-taping the leader’s manifesto in True Lies. “Battery Aziz…” (YouTube clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=An-9zO0PlvA)

Do you think it’s a good idea to make sure you come into your critical event fully charged?

Have you ever done all the prep-work I mentioned above and finished your presentation only to look at your battery life to see it in the RED? And you say to yourself and anyone around, “God, that was lucky.” No, that was grace and a simple heartfelt “TYG (thank you God)” is in order.

It is the same way with our spiritual life and my suggestion is to plug in whenever the opportunity presents itself. Go a step further and create the occasion to top off your batteries throughout the day.

How do you recharge? What devices do you use to maintain a connection to the Holy Spirit throughout your day? However you choose to connect, do it. And find something new to try. Maybe it will work for you, maybe not, but the action of finding one will provide a connection in itself and perhaps refresh some of your old tried and true methods.

A few weeks back I downloaded a new ap to my phone, “Oh Snap”. It’s a random reminder generator that pops up with a reminder now and then throughout the day and within the hours you set for it. They can be green (low priority), yellow (medium), or red (hot and frequent). I have one reminder loaded and it is labeled “Stop, It’s Time to Pray”.

The problem with my new ap is that over the last several days it’s been crazy busy with stuff and I’ve simply scrolled by the reminder. They’ve been important things that aren’t fun. I’d rather have been writing a Calvary’s Thread post like I’m doing right now and pausing in the flow to pray.

So friends, stop and pray. Reconnect and recharge every day and frequently. Do. It. Now.

In His grip,

Jerry

*or current, cool, chic, stylish, in vogue, or whatever the latest term for this passe word is that I’ve been unable (or unwilling) to dig out.

An Invitation

photo via subscription to Storyblocks

I’ve received an invitation at the end of which are the simple letters RSVP, an initialization for the French phrase répondez s’il vous plait. Please respond. The onus is not upon me to say “Sure, I’ll be there” nor is it incumbent to reply, “I’m sorry, I won’t be able to attend.” I simply must reply. I fear this invitation and the choice it brings. If I demur, will another invitation ever be forthcoming? If I say yes, where on God’s earth, or rather, in his Kingdom, will I end up?

You see, this is no beckoning to attend a party, to go on a motorcycle ride, or to go out to lunch. I’ve not been summoned so much as asked to come along. I felt summoned when I accepted another term on Session (Presbyterian Church governing body) and summoned when I volunteered as Clerk of Session and, having been summoned, I obeyed. No, this is different…this invitation is one of wooing me and asking me to be in for a long journey, one that if I choose to accept it, will bring a change. We Presbyterians often resist change, humorously so.

I’ve been asked to come along on an exploration of prayer. I’m saying yes and thinking that I should document this trip, thus this Calvary’s Thread post. The guidebook I’ve picked up is Richard J. Foster’s book Prayer, Finding the Heart’s True Home. That subtitle…where then will I reside when I’m through? What will I have left behind to get there?

St. Augustine said, “True, whole prayer is nothing but love.”

To find true, whole prayer we cannot allow ourselves on ounce of hate nor smidgeon of contention. I’ve learned that I’m a man of contention with a vein of a judgmental spirit at his core. I’d rather write about things I don’t like in the church, the country, or my neighborhood – write about how my ideas are the best. But prayer? I have to put contending aside and lay bare my dark soul and expose myself to pain. What if you don’t like what I say about prayer, how I’ve written it, or you find my typos, poor grammar, and childish technique distracting to the point and miss the invitation? Suck it up White (an old coaching phrase I’ve heard over the years).

Being asked to pray is an invitation to come home to a God whose arms are open wide for us, who has been yearning for us to return to fellowship with him, to sit and talk, to rest in him, and to let go of the world. This home has a door and the door, a key. The key is prayer. The door is Jesus Christ, he is the way and the truth and the life. Without him there is no entrance, no access to the Holy of Holies where we will find God’s presence and his listening ear.

We are asked home to prayer from a country on the far side of nowhere that is filled with noise, crowds, and hurry and where we jostle each other for position to be first and to get the most. We must leave this behind and come into His rest and fellowship. I’ll take the trip and hope that I have a tentative enough grasp on the far country to let go and that I have enough connection to the Holy Spirit to offer a little travelogue of the journey.

We are invited. Let’s répondez…

In His grip,

jerry

Decisions, Decisions; the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Apostles cast lots to determine the replacement for Judas...

Decisions, decisions; the good, the bad, and the ugly. Let me fix something right up front that I couldn’t bring myself to do in the title. There’s the Right Stuff. It’s the decision we need to make every time if it’s there for us to make.

The ugly decision is the easiest one to describe. We make them all of the time and yet they should be the easiest ones to avoid. We know the pending action is a sin or is bad for us and we make it anyway. We drink ourselves to drunkenness or we take those office supplies. We drive under rage screaming at the doofus words we’d never utter anywhere near the front steps to the church. We smoke anyway, we flirt and carry it too far, or deny our faith. We tell our children, our spouses, our friends, pastors, and ourselves lies. And sometimes we boast about the ugly decisions we made while in certain company.

These are the classic sins, the deadly sins of lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride. Why do we sometimes brag about them? Why do we make the decision to sin like this at all? I’m hoping by the end of this post I’ll shed some light on it. That’s what I’m trying to do here, figure it out by writing it out and end up with a little better grasp of the issue to get myself to the right stuff more often.

The bad decision does not necessarily lead to the commission of a sin. Sometimes it is just a stupid mistake we’ve made like telling ourselves we have plenty of time to step off the curb and jog-walk across the street as the signal turns yellow - surely the car speeding along the boulevard will stop for the yellow even as he accelerates. When we wake up and see the worry etched on the EMT’s face is when we accept that we’ve made a bad decision and we were just plain stooopid.

Wait a minute though. What led us to that decision? If we did a little root cause analysis we’d probably see a little seasoning of deadly sins mixed in our recipe for the bad decision. At least pride and sloth. If we make enough bad decisions they become habit. It we don’t learn from close calls, near calamities, and I-told-you-so moments, they could become deadly. And that would be wrong.

The good decision. Ah, some relief here. We’re Christians and we make plenty of good decisions like when we decide to record our favorite team and go church anyway even though we aren’t up front that morning and all the while we pray nobody says anything about the Saints’ game as if nobody has their handheld device out to watch scores for their fantasy football team. That gets us every time, doesn’t it? Still, it was the good option; who can control what’s said at the ‘party’ between services in the breezeway?

Good can be a subjective determination and in the process of decision making it’s usually made in our own mind and hopefully confirmed by others later. The big question I’m wrestling with is what makes a good decision the right decision?

Some of you may be tired of hearing about Mission Arizona when I talk about stuff. Sorry about that but for more than a quarter of a century I’ve made decisions around that yearly event and it’s something most of my friends who’ll read this are familiar with. I’ve been asked many times if I’ll be going on the upcoming MAZ. My response has been the same and now it will be true about the CASA trip replacing it. I tell them, and try to convince myself, that I’m a year to year contract with God on my involvement, just like Walter Alston was with the Dodgers. I give it careful thought and prayer and I’m trying to make the right decision which by my definition will include the right motivations. You should see what trips me up in that last sentence. It’s not ‘my definition’ that does it; it’s ‘right motivations’.

Over the years I’ve decided to go or not to go that, to me, have clearly been the Holy Spirit telling me to go while at other times it’s been habit and felt right, or it was the right thing but I was unhappy with it, or it was more me than the Holy Spirit saying to stay home but I’d convinced myself it was the spirit. There were a couple of times where I truly felt it would have been fine with God either way to go or not to go.

What’s a boy to do here? What’s the key? Waiting on the Lord. Learning His voice over your own and waiting on Him to decide. It seems that this would be simple for the event or occurrence that’s a year out, or even next week. It is not; it’s hard work separating our own desires to get down the kernel of truth that makes a right decision. It seems that it would be terribly difficult to wait on God to determine if you should cross a street or for that matter, if you should raise your hand and volunteer to serve for the request being made right then, right in front of you. It doesn’t have to be. Set yourself to walk the right path for the day, reinforce it by prayer when you awake, strengthen it with communication with Jesus through the day and when the time comes he will make it known to us.

Jesus lived this way, only doing what the Father told him, showed him. When Jesus leaned over and picked the kernel of wheat, shucked it and had a snack, the Father had shown him it was right even though the Pharisees were there to condemn the act. We can live like this. We are told we can do all that Jesus did and more. It’s a tall order, getting ourselves out of the way, and letting the Spirit lead. But it’s doable.

  

In His grip,

jerry

Stop. It's Time to Pray

Romans 8: 26 “And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words” NASB

A couple of Sundays ago Ashley, our Director of Children’s Ministries, spoke to the children that had gathered on the chancel stairs. I had a pretty good view from stage left of the chancel as I prepared to follow the children’s time with the prayer of confession. It is Operation Christmas Child time so the church family is busily gathering supplies and gifts to pack what we hope will be well over three hundred boxes for needy children throughout the world. Ashley shared how at the Samaritan’s Purse packing stations while the workers are preparing all of the collected boxes to be shipped to over a hundred countries a voice comes over the loud speaker system saying “Stop. It’s time to pray.” Everyone stops whatever they are doing and prays over the boxes, blessing them with the Spirit, and praying for the recipient to know Christ through the gift and the givers.

That phrase has stuck with me and is my nugget from the service. It has become a touchstone over the last couple of weeks. With my mother-in-law suffering a debilitating stroke and a few days later my sister-in-law was in a freak accident in which suffered a broken pelvis I have much to be in prayer and intercession for with these two who are so near to my heart in such deep need. At work, during my walks, working at home, and even while vegetating in front of the TV the phrase resonates in my mind and I have to quiet myself in some way and pray. Even while gathered with the family in the hospital room with my mother-in-law, one not fully aware while we carry on conversations of every kind, the reverb comes to me, “Stop. It’s time to pray”. And so I do stop and touch each one with a feather of prayer to aid in our vigil; we pray and hope, wait and see.

I found it interesting that in a place with people gathered in an activity inherently good and with a Christly objective that we are also in need of reminders to stop and pray. I think it is another instance of Martha versus Mary, Mary stopped, prayed, and paid attention to the best thing while Martha needed to be reminded to stop her good work and heed to the groaning of the Spirit. We need to be reminded from time to time to give voice to the groanings within us; pause a bit in our labors, in our joys, and in our sorrows, to acknowledge the Spirit within us that intercedes on our behalf.

Of all of the things I have to be thankful for, a list that I cannot do justice to or am deserving of, I am at this moment extremely thankful for the nugget that I picked up, the echo of hope that invades my conscious thought to give me an opportunity to thank God for that list and pray for those that the Spirit has placed on my heart.

Yes, one would be you.

In His grip, jerry