Treasured Silence

    The character that I am writing has undertaken a study of the discipline of solitude and is using Foster’s Celebration of Discipline, The Path to Spiritual Growth as his primary source. Well, whatever my character studies, so must I. In a subsection titled “The Sacrifice of Fools” Foster is dealing with silence and the pain that the lack of it can bring when silence is really preferred. He has used a quote on the subject from John Woolman’s Journal that I feel is most poignant to me at the moment since I am now beginning a new term on Session. Please allow me to share the quote and my thoughts. It is a bit lengthy so I’ll break it up a bit as I comment.

     “I went to meetings in an awful frame of mind, and endeavored to be inwardly acquainted with the language of the true Shepherd. One day, being under a strong exercise of spirit, I stood up and said some words in a meeting; but not keeping close to the Divine opening, I said more than was required of me. Being soon sensible of my error, I was afflicted in mind some weeks, without any light or comfort, even to that degree that I could not take satisfaction in anything.”

     I have endeavored over my career at AT&T as well as in meetings of service, both in the church and in other volunteer settings, to say only what needs to be said and to be quiet if everything that needs to be said is being said. I prefer to speak up only when pertinent points of view are being expressed but not really heard or if what I believe is the correct course of action is not being expressed at all. I frequently fall short of this goal and as Brother Woolman has expressed here, I’ve said more than was needed at the time.

     I have felt bad about it but probably not to the depth Woolman shares with us in his journal. Like him, I seek forgiveness for speaking out of turn and off point, especially when my words distract from the purpose of the meeting and lead to a waste of time, or worse yet as in church meetings where this can be hurtful to others as well as harmful to God’s purpose. Woolman’s quote continues and brings me a measure of hope.

“I remembered God, and was troubled, and in the depth of my distress he had pity upon me, and sent the Comforter. I then felt forgiveness for my offence; my mind became calm and quiet, and I was truly thankful to my gracious Redeemer for his mercies.”

     I think that the pathway to a Holy Silence leads us to a better understanding of God’s Will in things - our life and the life of the church as well as what we seek for our communities at large. The remainder of Brother Woolman’s quote tells us what the benefits of Devine Silence can bring.

“About six weeks after this, feeling the spring of Divine love opened, and a concern to speak, I said a few words in a meeting, in which I found peace. Being thus humbled and disciplined under the cross, my understanding became more strengthened to distinguish the pure spirit which inwardly move upon the heart, and which taught me to wait in silence sometimes many weeks together, until I felt that rise which prepares the creature to stand like a trumpet, through which the Lord speaks to his flock.”

     If I’m in a meeting and you think that I’m being silent, I hope that it is because everything that I think needs to be said and heard is being said and heard. Likewise, if I’m speaking, let’s pray that it is because I have something meaningful to say and that it should be something we need to hear.

In His grip, jerry

The Guilt Shelf

     Surprise, surprise…my character suffers from much the same thing as I do and, in one form or another, the musings of this post will find their way into PAR’s story. I must apologize in advance because I don’t see a positive spin to end this with and that disturbs me here during Christmas Week. Perhaps something will occur to me during the writing of this post and another, more appropriate Christmas writing, will make itself evident.

     In my heart and mind there is a shelf upon which I have a variety of guilt and shame; some deserved and some it merely self-published dribble.

Just a peek at part of my shelf...

     Around my house are books from friends and family, books written by friends, recommended by various folks, and purchased by myself. They are in various stages of being read, or not, and they are sitting on my Guilt Shelf. Mixed in with the books are various journals; prayer journals, motorcycle ride journals, writing journals, and journals that have not yet obtained a designation. Some have fairly recent entries while others haven’t had a pen scratch their pages in a number of weeks, maybe even over a year. The journals sit on the Guilt Shelf or are stacked haphazardly on top of the unread books.

     Around and in my house are a number or projects in various stages of incompleteness or merely being contemplated. They are good projects, necessary projects, and some of them would be fun to undertake. They are bookends to the books and journals and are resting upon my Guilt Shelf.

     I have friends to find, contact, communicate with, pray for, and get together with. (Ah! Prepositional ending to a sentence, I think I’ll let it stand.) They are good friends with real prayer needs and they are friends that I really care about and I would just like to see them smile and warm my heart. They sit on my Guilt Shelf with their feet dangling and swinging with my guilt – or they are hanging by their hands like some ‘Hang in there baby’ cat poster.

     I have a mail slot at home with unopened correspondence, some real, most of it junk. I have stacks of bills to pay and notes to cancel things I’m paying for but don’t need. They are stuffed between the pages of the books on my Guilt Shelf.

     I have notes, maps, and research materials strewn about my office waiting to be punched into a manuscript that may or may not be published, worthy or not.

     I cannot possibly get to them all and perhaps the best thing to do is simply pick one up at a time and get to it instead of saying “When I get around to it” but the thing I do is to pick up my smart phone or the TV remote and dull the pain of it all by letting them recede into the shadows of time-wasters. There lies the shame of it all. BTW, I have an actual round ‘To It’ somewhere around here; perhaps I’ll find it some day and this will all be solved.

     The time wasters rarely help. When I turn them off the Guilt Shelf objects are all there, jumping up and down and dancing like a happy dog when its owner returns from the store.

What a quandary, what a downer to lay on all ya’ all. But at least I picked this one off of my Guilt Shelf and got around to it. And, today while I’m excavating the project space in the backyard with my rent-a-kid friends, I’ll pray for you, my friends.

In His grip, jerry

A Gentle Whisper

     A gentle whisper can be heard and a still small voice is calling. Can you hear it? Are you listening?

^“11The Lord said, ‘Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.’

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. ¹²After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. ¹³When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of                                      the cave.

Then a voice said to him, ‘What are you doing here, Elijah?’” 1 Kings 19: 11-13 (New International Version)

     The character that I’m writing is struggling to know God’s will in the midst of his bereavement. He’s lost the ability to hear the voice of the Lord and is failing to trust that he ever will again. When I started gathering myself to write this post I thought that I would be writing about the compelling story of Gideon because in the midst of his conundrum my character, PAR, is even considering putting out a fleece or worse yet in his mind, casting lots as the disciples did while choosing Judas’ successor. Both of those methods got results and seem to be acceptable in God’s eyes.

     God loves to communicate with us, wants to communicate His will for us, and is joyful when we grasp it and run with it. I believe in my heart that the better way is to perceive God’s voice rather than play craps with Him, or test Him to show us a miracle fleece. I love the NIV’s translation of it as “a gentle whisper”. The more popular “a still, small voice” as found in the American Standard and King James versions is also a fine thing to hear.

     While digging around this and hearing the gentle whisper urging me to have readers consider His voice I found several other, to me less satisfying, versions; “low whisper”, “soft whisper”, quiet, whispering voice”, and “a gentle blowing”. So many versions out there, so many ways to consider God’s word – how do we really know except by the belief in things unseen, by faith?

     The NRSV translation is a little disturbing to me and one which PAR thinks he is now in the middle of; not being able to hear the voice that he’d come to recognize and base his walk of faith on; “a sound of sheer silence”. How spooky is that? And, how does one translate sheer silence into God’s loving direction?

     This gentle whisper, the still small voice, is something that I covet and strive to hear. I have to chastise myself when I fail to listen and act within a void instead. The Holy Spirit is promised to us to show us all things and make the Father known to us. Could this be the gentle whisper that first came as flaming tongues of fire?

     Listen in the dark of the night as sleep comes to you and the rigors of the day are receding. In the early morning hours before you’ve completely stirred to meet the new day, reach out with your heart to hear what the still small voice is saying, where the gentle voice is leading you.

In His grip, jerry

All That You Are

     This morning I was reminded of a quick transition that I had made a couple of weekends ago during worship. Our youth praise band led our combined service today, our Commitment Sunday with the theme “All In”. They were wonderful and sharing their heart for worship always makes a Sunday morning worship time special for me.

     However, I want to dial back and share my thoughts about the transition I went through during the same song that started off our service this morning. It wasn’t anything major and nor was it a lengthy process, it took the blink of God’s eye and was over and we moved on.

     The last line of “This is Amazing Grace” is “Jesus, I sing for All that You’ve done for me”. My first thought when singing through those words was ‘shouldn’t we be singing for all that He is?’  I shook it off pretty quickly because I was there to glorify God and not to knit-pick; knit-picking being a manifestation of my judgmental heart/spirit. I made it through the rest of the song in good shape just as this morning I rose to the occasion and praised Him.

    The full chorus:

“This is amazing grace

This is unfailing love

That You would take my place

That You would bear my cross

You would lay down Your life

That I would be set free

Jesus, I sing for

All that You’ve done for me”

     Later after that first time through the song as I over analyzed, as I am so likely to do, I did come to an interesting conclusion about this little knit that I had picked. When I thought about it I had to believe that really, Jesus is all He does. He is known as the Prince of Peace because He brings peace. He is the Lamb who was slain because He is. He is known as our Savior because he does and because he made the sacrifice for us. So to sing for all that He’s done for us is just fine because He is all that He’s done and more than we can comprehend.

     Even with this innocent realization I have to take pause. If Jesus is all that He’s done, am I not all that I’ve done and do? Sobering. And therefore if I am of God’s Kingdom, should I not do those things that are found in the Kingdom, and behave as though I am saved? The realization of this gives me leverage. I don’t have to knit-pick because I am His and I can put that judgment aside and move on.

     I love the verse that follows the first chorus:

“Who brings our chaos back into order

Who makes the orphan a son and daughter

The King of Glory, the King above all kings”

In His grip, jerry

Sneaky Freedom

     Liberation has a way of sneaking up on you, even when you don’t particularly deserve it. Freedom’s agents appear in disguise – in persons and things that we might not suspect – and do their work on our hearts with a laser surgeon’s skill. We must be vigilant against their schemes lest we let loose of our favorite binding chains.

     Take today for instance, I’d had a long day of riding and walking before heading down to the bi-annual Phantom of the Auction, our church’s biggest fundraising night for our youth groups. I was somewhat determined to go down, bid on a few silent auction items, and finish the evening in the back of the courtyard during the live auction, arms crossed and checkbook firmly in my back pocket. My release from the comfortable bondage of some long-held bitterness actually began in my own home and by my own daughter; how could she do that to me? A few words, a little hug, and liberation began to seep in. Then when we got down there and I saw all the work some loving people had done on the behalf of the children I needed to wrap the chains a little tighter for fear of losing them all together. The breaker though were the kids themselves. Jr. High and High School kids wandered around, smiles on their faces while they carried around trays of goodies while they watched as tens of tens of adults meandered around the floor like a stream though a meadow while opening their purses and taking out their wallets. The ones not loaded down with trays hugged me.

     Those little varmints were infectious. Soon, a significant link of my favorite chain fell away. When I looked into the outbox of my soul I saw that the chain link was moldy and my nose wrinkled up at the stench; I knew that it was of my own doing. I left it in the outbox and as I did a couple of recent decisions that I’d made seemed more right than ever. I felt lighthearted for the rest of the night and a joy that I recognized took the place of my old familiar bonds.

     I shouldn’t really hold the church kids or the loving adults at the auction completely to blame for this, not really even my own wife and kids. I set myself up really. The night before I’d written a scene in my story that was an outtake from my own life; that very first Mission Arizona for me where a bunch of Junior High kids and advisors healed me of a long standing and deeply rooted bitterness towards God. I began seeing a certain grudge I’d been holding onto was poisoning me, making me far less the man God wants of me. I followed that late night’s writing with a day spent with riding friends at the motorcycle show; their camaraderie was infectious; the writing and the companionship hastened the rusting out of the crucial link of chain.

     It has amazed me how liberating it is to have a revelation of my own culpability in the bondage of my spirit. I feel sheepish and glad-hearted all at the same time.

     Resistance to the forces of freedom is foolish, they can sneak up on you when you least expect it. Don’t fight it; embrace it and get on with living.

In His grip, jerry

Time Out!

Revelation 7: 1-3 “¹After this I saw four angels standing at the four corners of the earth, holding back the four winds of the earth so that no wind could blow on the earth or sea or against any tree. ²I saw another angel ascending from the rising of the sun, having the seal of the living God, and he called with a loud voice to the four angels who had been given power to damage earth and sea, ³saying, “Do not damage the earth or the sea or the trees, until we have marked the servants of our God with a seal on their foreheads” (NRSV)

It’s World Series time, how can I not have a baseball analogy?: Vin Scully is calling the action (who else is worthy to call a game like this?), “The stage is set, six of the seven seals are opened, four angels (umpires) are holding back the four winds of the earth and with the power to damage the earth, sea and trees, and they are poised and ready to proceed. The pitching coach exits the dugout and calls time out to approach the mound while the catcher jogs out to listen in. The home-plate umpire follows out and has the other three meet at the mound.” The pitching coach speaks “The bases are loaded and ready to cause havoc, the enemy has sent their steroidal power-hitter to the plate. Things are ready to break loose. The Manager has sent me out. Things are going to get hairy and you umpires need to keep things cool for a bit. We are going to make sure all the players are identified so that none are lost in the scuffle. Wait until the uniforms for each and every player is in place.”  (Rev 7: 1-8)

Vinnie sits back and scans the crowd, “This is surely the biggest crowd I’ve ever seen. People have packed the house from all around; the rich, the poor, every color, shape, and size of person is here. Not one socio-economic, ethnic, or fraternity/sorority was missing. They are standing and cheering every move and it must be wear-white day, I have to squint with the reflection of the Son off of the crowd. As the Manager comes up the dugout steps they cheer even louder and all the concessionaires joined in, just listen to them.” And Vinnie lets the microphone pick up the noise for a bit, then he continues, “The Manager looks over to the Owner’s box and takes a cue. This is no regular owner, this is the biggest peoples-Owner around and the crowd is going crazy with love for the owner as He acknowledged the Manager.” (Rev 7: 9-12)

Then the team marketing director, in the booth with Vin Scully, comments to him, “What a crowd! They came from the mean-streets, fought their way to the gates, and endured the heckling from all of the other teams to get into the park. The Owner has made some big promises to the people and all of the players; He will be in the crowd every day, the food concessions will never be closed, all manner of drink will be available, the sunshade will be in place and they will not be sunburnt, and the Manager will lead them all; fans, players, umpires, and all the helpers in the stadium.” (Rev 7: 13-17)

My take on this; what does it all mean? In a general sense Revelation Seven tells us that there is trouble in all the earth and it could, and will, get much worse. This is no surprise to anyone who sees or hears any news report. The chapter tells us that God knows His own and will put his mark on each one. Some will suffer much but all will be ushered into the throne room and be in his presence and will want for nothing any more.

Now that you’ve read this I suggest that you read the actual chapter in your Bible and make sure that you are part of the great multitude if not an actual player on the field.

In His grip, jerry

The Seals Are Open - Revelation 6

Matthew 24: 36 “³⁶But about that day and hour no one knows, neither the angels of heaven, nor the Son, buy only the Father.”

This Sunday past, following communion, we sang the praise song “Bones” and after the words were done the band played on. The Lamb as if it had been slaughtered came to my mind so I closed my eyes and let my thoughts kneel. I could picture the four living creatures and the 24 elders having tossed their crowns at the feet of the Lamb and we all worshipped – an unexpected benefit from study.

Up on the stage there were more pros than ams and it did my heart good to see Y on the bass guitar.

Where do I go from the first five chapters of Revelation that gave me such a wonderful view of worship and adoration that inspired such a pleasant worship time? And, why would I predicate my thoughts on a chapter of Revelation with a quote of Jesus from the book of Matthew?

First, the second question; it seems to me that there a lot of people who scour the bible to predict the Christ’s coming in judgment (so they can stop sinning at just the right moment and go to heaven?), particularly the book of Revelation. Jesus himself tells us that even he doesn’t know, only the Father knows and the timing will be to suit his purpose and timing. The opening of the fifth seal (Rev 6: 9-11) reiterates this when the martyrs cry out for justice and are “^11btold to rest a little longer, until the number would be complete both of their fellow servants and of their brothers and sisters, who were soon to be killed as they themselves had been killed.” Eerie in the face of what’s going on at the hands of ISIS, in Africa, and other hotspots around the globe. They are given white robes and protected in the throne room and under the altar where their faithfulness is as worship to God. Even with the graphic evidence of continued martyrdom it is folly to read into this a day and time for Christ’s triumphant return. We are each to be prepared and to remain faithful.

The first question? Well, I guess I’ve already started down the path with my answer to the second question. Chapter Six has John witnessing the opening of the first six seals. The opening of one through four unleashing four horsemen bringing about earthly events; conquering wars, civil war, famine, and death. These are nothing new to world history; on our globe, they have been going on since the writing of the Book of Revelation through now and the foreseeable future. The fifth and sixth seals speak of cosmic events on a scale that drive us to suicidal thoughts, for the rich and powerful and the lowly and meek alike. I don’t see anywhere here where Christians are to be lifted out of harm’s way and into the clouds. We must be prepared and remain faithful.

Does it feel like these events, the conflicts of man in particular, are accelerating? Could it be that the news of these conflicts is reaching us faster than ever before and more graphically, less filtered? Each generation from John’s published revelation to now have felt that surely this is the time and that events can’t get any worse and that Jesus will be in the next cloud. Even in our insulated America there is a sense of dread underlying our prosperity as we seek to keep the terror at bay while internally we are fragmented by fervency dividing our purpose and people on both sides of every issue cry out for justice and stand firm in their intolerance.

What else is there but for us to prepare ourselves, rest a little longer, and be faithful servants? Rev 6 11a: “They were each given a white robe and told to rest a little longer,” Enjoy a Sabbath rest in the Lord.

In His grip, jerry