Inside Out

I have a thousand things I could put in this post; Mission Arizona is consuming my thoughts and yet I’m unprepared. My writing has dwindled to nearly nothing this week and my scripture reading has been sporadic. The conflicts in time and emphasis are poised to topple me over and in a heap. I’m in a struggle about MAZ coming up in two weeks; is this trip God’s ultimate will for me now? Is it something that He thinks is okay for me to do? Or, God forbid, is it not His will at all? The doubts are crushing and I should have seen them coming, they always do.

Still the only things I can think of to share right now are the words of a praise song from this morning that I’ll write as a prayer arrangement. “From the Inside Out” by Hillsong United:

A thousand times I’ve failed, still Your mercy remains and should I stumble again, still I’m caught in Your grace. Everlasting; Your light will shine when all else fades. Never-ending; Your glory goes beyond all fame.

Your will above all else, my purpose remains. The art of losing myself, in brining You praise. Everlasting. Never-ending.

In my heart, in my soul Lord, I give You control. Consume me from the inside out, Lord let justice and praise become my embrace to love You from the inside out.

Your glory goes beyond all fame and the cry of my heart is to bring You praise from the inside out.

Amen

The Good Shepherd

John 10: 11 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep”

Have you set yourself on a Lenten path of sacrifice, searching, and repentance? How is that going for you? As for me, for as long as I can remember I’ve been successful at giving things up for Lent, saying extra prayers, and getting to Easter in one piece. For this year I put the task of writing a page a day in front of me as my Lenten journey knowing I’d have to give up time wasting activities to do get it done and I’ve failed over the last several days. It takes self-discipline, the kind I apparently lack, to take something on and put aside other mindless activities. It is a lesson in failure for me but one that may be embedded deeper than those chocolate or soda free Lents of my past. While in college I took an Art History class mostly because I couldn’t draw, paint, or sculpt and I needed the “humanities” units. Our professor assigned us the task of finding a piece of art and sketching it out and then writing about the elements of the piece using our sketch to demonstrate our points. After many hours of trying to sketch out a simple charcoal drawing by Rembrandt and failing miserably just to get a semblance of his sketch on paper I was forced to give up. I couldn’t get the thing to fit the page or when I did the angles were completely wrong, and then the shading… I knew I was going to get my first F of college but I wanted to turn in something so I wrote “A Lesson in Failure” which was rewarded with an A and the explanation that my struggles in all the areas I described had given me a unique perspective and that the narrative of my struggles demonstrated that I had learned more that way than if a simple sketch came with no thought at all. Other artistic students had done some pretty nice drawings but were not rewarded as nicely as I had been. Now you know one of the reasons why I’m writing in the search for my creative side. We can learn from our Lenten mistakes because we have a good shepherd to take care of us and teach us.

Jesus is the good shepherd and it took the ultimate in self-discipline for him to lay down his life for us, his sheep. He sets the great example for us; surely we can lay aside rather simple self-seeking pleasures to take on the Kingdom purpose in our lives. If Jesus can lay down his life, I can set aside watching so much mindless TV, explore my creative side, and write a page a day. I can set aside being a mindless driving machine and be kinder on the road, set aside a driven goal at work and be a kinder colleague, or set aside my routine to listen to somebody in need of an ear before church service. I can.

John 10: 14 – 16a “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me – just as the Father knows me and I know the Father – and I lay down my life for the sheep. I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also.”

He is our shepherd, we know him, he knows the Father and through him we know the father. We must be like him and recognize when we are to be in the role of the good shepherd and lovingly tend the sheep that the Great Shepherd brings to us to care for. There are other sheep not in the sheep pen and we must bring them also and must protect them from the ravening wolves, those thieves and robbers who do not come through the gate to the sheep (John 10: 7-10). Jesus is the gate and we enter the pasture through him, become shepherds by him, and obtain the rewards of knowing the Father because of him and his sacrifice.

Good shepherds; find your sheep, tend your flocks.

On the Road to Emmaus

Luke 24, 13 – 35: “On the Road to Emmaus”                

Two men, one named Cleopas, took the opportunity of a seven mile walk from Jerusalem to Emmaus to talk about a tumultuous week for them where Jesus had made a triumphal entry to the city only to be buried a week later. They heard the news from the women that the body of Jesus was not found and that angels had told them He had be raised from the dead and yet they walked in unbelief along a dusty track when Jesus came to them and, I think, because of their unbelief they did not recognized them. Jesus could have told them then and there it was he they were discussing but he let them continue. I imagine that had they recognized him on their own they would have worshipped and had no need of the lessons Jesus was about to lay on them. Verse 27: “And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself.” Jesus broke bread with them in verse 30, their eyes were opened and he disappeared in verse 31 and then verse 32: “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” They got up at once and did better than a 10K to get back to where they belonged and shared the story with the Disciples.

Do you find it as I do, that along whatever part of life’s journey you are on that Jesus had been walking with you, explaining himself to you, and only afterwards did we recognize Him? Our hearts burn within us, we know something, someone, is right there but we do not see it. I do it all too frequently and it is because of my unbelief that I hadn’t seen Him there with me at my deepest need. We shouldn’t fret too much about that as long as we recognize Him when he breaks bread with us and then get back to where we belong and tell the story to the other disciples.

I cling to the thought of Jesus meeting me on the way because I am so frequently on the way and busy with the journey that I need to have him meet me in that way or I fear that I’ll miss him completely. For years during Mission Arizona I’ve sought Jesus out because I just couldn’t do what was needed and felt that the trip was failing, that I was failing. Most of the time I hear the still small voice tell me that He’ll meet me on the way so I get up from me seat in the desert, start gathering the kids from their quiet times believing that He’s there and that brings me peace. He has never failed to show himself in the children or adults of the team, the people of the reservation, or some other seemingly insignificant event. I’ll be moving through the day, herding the groups along, taking stock of our progress and then Jesus is there with us. What a fortunate man I am!

It is an awesome feeling to recognize Jesus in midst of the din and clutter of our lives during the hectic chase to complete all the tasks that we’ve piled up like a homecoming bonfire stack of wood. Imagine the cacophony of questions Cleopas and his pal were bombarded with once they related their experience to the Disciples. All the side discussions, the rumble of excitement and then Jesus himself is there with them and simply says “Peace be with you.” (Luke 24: 36) He had to settle them down just like we have to settle down our children and quiet their spirits so he could explain himself to them again and impart the lesson so they would be ready once the Holy Spirit came upon them at Pentecost. In verse 45 he opened their minds to understand the Scriptures. How I need that yet again, meet me in the way.

Jesus, open our minds to understand the Scriptures and see you here in our midst.

Prepare the Soil

“I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.” Philippians 3: 10-11

I came out of the Ash Wednesday service with a pensive walk pausing only briefly to greet a couple of the families who had already made their way out. That was as it should be since we were instructed to give thought to who we really are underneath the facade we put up to ourselves and others. We need to consider our nature and what we are at our core that drives the behaviors that give evidence to our sinful selves and not just the acts of sin. While it is good and necessary to confess the acts, we are doomed to repeat these offenses if we don’t dig down to the root of darkness within and remove it.

I looked forward to my short night-ride home; there is something about riding at night for me that I really like. There is a feeling of mystery about it, a heightened awareness of the solitude of the ride and this night I embraced it having some serious thoughts about what is truly separating me from God. There was the anticipation that He would expose it to me, allow me to see the gulf between us, and therefore be able to bring the Holy Spirit to bear on the roots of it to dig it out. That is a scary proposition; make no mistake about it, seeing who we really are and working out the roots of sin is painful and something that is all too easy to run from. Knowing that I’ve only scratched the surface of it doesn’t help getting into it all that much for me. I am thankful for Lent and having the community of believers considering this both as individuals and collectively leading up to our celebration of Christ’s victory over death. I am thankful that during our Ash Wednesday service we were able to hold true to the spirit of it and not put on a happy front just to be upbeat before we left.

Once the source is revealed to me, will I dig it out or attempt to throw dirt back over it to give the appearance that there is nothing there but fertile soil? All too often, I find just the hint of a root and toss a little soil back in place and rake it around making all the right motions of working things out but not truly facing up to it.

We are told that grace awaits the repentant sinner and will be our reward. Faith that this will be so makes it so and this can sustain us during the search. We had best be prepared for the wilderness experience that the season of Lent is patterned after. 40 days; the length of time Jesus spent fasting in the wilderness and then being tempted before entering into His earthly ministry. 40 years; the length of time the Israelites wondered in the wilderness shedding all of the old to enter into the new. The wilderness is parched and barely able to sustain human life; who can survive it? None without the sustenance of grace, the manna of life from the Father.

Somewhere along Montrose Avenue between La Crescenta and Rosemont where the street lights thinned out and traffic fell behind I found something to sustain me. Grace awaits me. The power of His resurrection will get me through the wilderness and effect the change. The power of His resurrection is enough. Death of the sinful self to be resurrected in grace with Him; all that separates us from Christ falls away and we come “to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus our Lord” (Phil. 3: 8) From there we can minister to this earth from a position of fullness and be effective workers of the harvest.

Shameless Audacity

Jesus said while talking about prayer "I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need." (Luke 11:8 [NIV]) I absolutely love the thought of shameless audacity; if I didn't have at least a measure of that when I was young then a beautiful and intelligent woman like Cindy never would have given me a second thought and now here I am married to her for over 35 years with three great kids and two fantastic grandchildren. I am a rich man because of a little timely temerity. I consulted with my friend Webster and he says audacity is "intrepid boldness" or a "bold or arrogant disregard of normal restraints". A sampling of synonyms gives us brashness, brazenness, cheek, chutzpah, crust, gall, pertness, sauce...I like them all. The synonym that stands out for me in my little search is chutzpah which is defined as "supreme self-confidence".

Jesus has told us to approach the Father with intrepid boldness if we want answers saying after giving the example of the man coming to the door after midnight "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. (vs. 9)" I confess, I have not been praying in this way. I'm too timid, too full of unbelief, and just too wimpy. I feel unworthy to come to Him and that's something I need to overcome. It's a given, I'm unworthy; I shouldn't dwell on it and let the thought of my unworthiness keep me from approaching the Lord for anything and everything. He paid the dearest price for my unworthiness and for me to let it come between us is a rejection of his sacrifice. I ask Him for good things for my family and friends, the church and her leaders, and for myself. I'm going to be audacious about it now but I had better remember one more thing. He also said to do it shamelessly or be insensible to disgrace, not give a care about appearances, and in spite of my sinful condition come to Him with chutzpah. He is the Father and what good father gives a scorpion when asked for an egg (vs. 12)? To come to Him shamelessly is not an affront to the Father but a statement of our faith that He forgives us all, that the power of His resurrection is enough to conquer everything.

Confession? Do it with confidence that He has forgiven us and longs to grant it to let us draw near. Intersession? Do it with chutzpah because He wants to be our shield and our rock. Guidance? Ask for it with brashness because He wants to lead us. Worship? Do it with audacious abandon because He wants to commune with us. Above all else, do it. Pray and then pray some more.

We Are What We Eat

Matthew 12: 35 "A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him."

I realized a few weeks ago that my scripture reading was sporadic, even non-existent. Check that, I've known that for a couple of years and what I've come to realize is that I'm starving myself and my spiritual growth has been completely stagnate. I had run out of the good things stored up in me and too many evil things were coming out. My feeding on scripture had been okay when I was regularly teaching the junior high students; being responsible for the lesson and their growth forced me to read and meditate on a pretty regular basis. This is one of the big reasons I raised my hand whenever I could for teaching knowing that I needed that sort of stimulus to keep me going. Once others took the teaching load I was getting by on their lessons but increasingly becoming a spiritual couch potato with my spiritual gifts atrophying at a steady pace. I did what I had to do and gave myself a quota of one biblical chapter and one skills building chapter a day knowing that I would do it because I'm a checklist kind of guy and knowing I'd read more once I got there; after all, I'm a glutton, I clean my plate and go back for seconds.

When we eat bread, do we toast it, cut off the crusts, and slather it with butter, jellies, and peanut butter? What then becomes of the bread? It was there, we consumed it, but did we taste it? The nutrients might be there but we were hardly aware of the bread other than it was a vehicle to deliver all the other stuff and only after we changed it from bread to toast without crust. Some breads are better for all that but others need to be enjoyed for what they are, fine pieces of bread. Scripture is the same as a fine piece of bread, meant to be consumed and enjoyed for what it is, and not merely as a side dish but an integral part of the great feast Jesus spreads out for us.

I caught myself today in a trap all too common with checklist people like me. I went to Rick's Drive In & Out for lunch and had the white fish, rice, and steamed vegetables. When I sat down I took out my Kindle and started to read Matthew 27 and had gotten through some pretty important stuff without really tasting it. I was aware of everything around me, the people talking and eating all those things I really wanted to be eating like burritos, hamburgers, and fries...the flat screen had CNN on talking about a subject I'm coming to loath, politics. There were lots of people there and I love to people watch. I was struggling to read because I'd left my reading glasses on the desk at the office. I had come to the Lord's banquet table completely unprepared to enjoy the feast. I consumed the Word and the nutrients are there but will they nurture my spirit as they should or be like the seed the farmer tossed on the pathway to be consumed by the birds? There are loads of things in chapter 27 for me to consider; Judas hanging himself, the chief priests not caring about his condition and cold heartedly buying the potter's field; there was Jesus before Pilot and Pilot washing his hands of it, the people incited by the chief priests, and the soldiers mocking Jesus. Who was I today; Judas, a chief priest, Pilot, or a soldier? A soldier, I mocked Jesus by reading His story in such a way as that. I've reread this section; otherwise I'd never have known that I behaved like a disrespectful soldier.

What happens when we eat right and have a healthy diet of scripture? When we prepare outselves for the meal? "Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit." (Matthew 12: 33) We should be able to examine the fruit of our labors and know if our spiritual diet is good or if it is bad. Do we have the fruits of the Spirit in our lives; love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control? (Gal 5: 22-23) Do those we teach and have responsibility for have these fruits in their lives, are they growing in them?

Eat right, feed regularly, and enjoy the feast.

Are you going to wear that to Church?

Psalm 51: 17 “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”

Would you wear a spaghetti-stained shirt to church if there were a clean and pressed one close at hand? If you worked a whole summer’s day in the yard would you attend an evening wedding without having showered first? No, we’d like to be presentable for church and we’d like our hug with bride and bridegroom to be a pleasant blessing to us all. Neither then should we go into worship holding on to a sin-drenched spirit. With sin staining our wardrobe and drenching our spirit we won’t be presentable and will not get anywhere near enough to hug the Bridegroom.

While preparing for this post I really thought that I’d be taking this in a different direction from the worship topic but here we are, considering our worship again. With Mission Arizona looming ahead and having just concluded the LCPC devotional fast, I thought a related topic from either of those would be appropriate. Certainly, the fast touches on this since I experienced a couple of setbacks from the repentance aspect of my fast but a shotgun approach to some of my failings didn’t really hit home. However, I am holding onto the power of His resurrection for victory over the flesh. I had hoped, and this was a weakness of my approach, that I’d have an earth shattering announcement to make and that I’d overcome this huge mountain in the way, and that God told me distinctly to do this amazing thing. Oops. I overlooked a very important part of my reading, not by my design, Matthew 5 & 6 before the fast. I should have been looking to only make this for the Father, who is unseen so that the unseen Father would reward me thusly. (Matt 6: 18) It’s not about me. In the LCPC devotional blog Lee Cook said of his reading the Sermon on the Mount “Mostly, I come away challenged and inspired!” That’s the PC version, for me I came away convicted.

I believe that we need to spend a little more time in preparation for worship by turning away from sin and setting aside our personal grudges. In fact, the same should go for anytime we teach or attend class or participate in fellowship with each other, or go on a mission trip. Preparation is the key here for me; I need to make some honest prayer of confession before heading down the hill to the church. Most regularly scheduled services at LCPC contain a corporate prayer of confession but by then we’ve already sung a song or two and maybe heard the call to worship. I’m thinking that if I’m ready personally for worship then when we go into corporate confession as a body, I can then give myself a second review and then look to my repentance in the congregational view of my shortcomings. I want to come before Jesus as clean as possible ready for my worship to be accepted, a broken and contrite spirit. That doesn’t mean that I can’t sing out in victory or let out a shout of triumph; it just means that if I do it will ring true.

I think it would be interesting some day to close the sanctuary and have everyone meet in the courtyard first to pray and offer up our confessions; then, as all good Presbyterians do, file reverently and orderly into the sanctuary and get into worship.

Let’s raise the level of our worship by sinking to a new low of humility before the King.

Psalm 51: 12 – “Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” 15. “O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.” 18. “In your good pleasure make Zion prosper”