To My Daughters, et al.

 

To my daughters, et al.,

“Et al.” is an interesting term to use in a salutation but perfect for my point. Et al. is short for the Latin term ‘el alia’ which means ‘and others’.

It is such a broad term that it can encompass anything anyone wants to add in for reasons both proper and true and reasons so obscure only the adder knows why, adder as a noun and not to be confused with a snake. The punctuation for the term is a bit esoteric and I did the best I can.

I have been blessed with two daughters of my own, a daughter-in-law, and a bunch of bonus-daughters via their association with my kids or having come through the various youth programs I’ve served. Some of my bonus-daughters have daughters of their own who have children and that is a reflection on me being in the youth work game for a long time and achieving the title of old man. I embrace it.

You young women are raising children who are loving, open, and inclusive. As mothers, you are completely vested in your kids and present in their lives. You take them on adventures to the park, walks around the block, vacations, and stay-at-home exploits and flights of fancy. You guys hug your kids through every childhood misadventure and scraped knee, laugh with them in play, and dance, and understand jokes only your child knows the punchline to.

The investment of unyielding and unconditional love from mothers, and in particular the ones I am holding in my heart as I write this, will pay off in healthy, loving, and brave young adults and responsible people over the next generation. I am in awe of you and in truth, more than a bit proud. You warm my heart on chilly days and refresh me like the breeze coming in off the lake on a hot summer day.

These things did not come about by accident. Your mom invested in you as their mothers invested in them. They put the right ingredients in the bowl just so and if you were a fortunate lass, your grandmothers added dashes of wisdom and caring and stirred the pot just enough that all the ingredients were thoroughly mixed. They didn’t stop with the mixing and taste testing, they put you in the oven and let you bake into the women you have become. I salute them and wish I could hug each of them right now and thank them for the work they did and the miracles they performed.

Thank you ladies for being amazing. Happy Mother’s Day.

Now, if you have read this far and you are asking yourself if I meant you then yes, I meant you. If you don’t have kids yet or might never have kids then I submit to you that you likely still qualify as a bonus-mom or a fantastic aunt and are adding critical ingredients to the next generation. Keep stirring them in and watch that they aren’t left in the oven too long and burn. And, as any good cook will do, taste test often.

Again, happy Mother’s Day.

I love you all,

Dad or Jer Bear as the case may be.

Drafted. Doggone it!

 

I called to her, as I have been for weeks now. Finally, she turned to me, the smile on her lips giving her careworn face a lift I hadn’t seen since she last talked to her great-grands. She handed me a wallet card she was holding in her hand. Nothing fancy, muted blues and reds printed on a beige card that read in eighteen-point Times New Roman font “Drafted” across the top.

A message followed in twelve-point Freestyle Script, “Your services are required in the Heavenly Host. Please report at once.”

In the lower right corner in the tiniest of prints possible to read was the signature, “Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior”.

As small as it was, the signature brought a burning to my eyes and as simple as the card was, it broke my heart.

How could I beg her to stay when the servant at her core commanded that she obey the God she had served for at least my lifetime? A lifetime of devotion required one last act of service above and beyond her will to stay and love her kids, laugh with her grandchildren, or teach her great-grands. And so she went quietly and finally without the struggle that so defined the final years of her devotion to her husband.

Aside from being my biggest fan and encourager, I remember mom as being a model of devotion – as a mother, a pre-school teacher, youth advisor, Stephen Minister, Elder, Deacon, bonus mom to many, sister to many more… When you were with her she was devoted to being with you and being whatever it was you needed at the time.

I would really like to know what is behind the door and within the misty room she walked into. I want to know what critical service she is being called to, away from me. Selfish, I know. I suspect a portion of her service will be like that of her father before her, looking over my shoulder and from time to time giving me a nudge.

Mom does nudging well. It is because of her that I started this blog, Calvary’s Thread. I had just put up my second post in Iron Side Up, it was about some Christian mussing or comment of some sort while riding my bike. She said, “You should have a blog just for this kind of stuff.” I had to do what she said, she is my mom after all.

I imagine that after she handed over the card to the gatekeeper, she was ushered into a big hall and greeted by the One Who Invited her, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” And then there was a reunion – Aunt Jean (Mom’s oldest and closest friend), Carol and the other cohorts who started the Center For Children, my dad, her parents, brothers, and sisters. A bunch from the Heavenly Hall of Fame showed her around, there was singing, worship, incense, and an awesome silence filled with love and warmth.

I can live with this vision of her.

jerry

All-In - It's a Mom Thing

At Kaylynn's and Donnie's wedding

You know when you’re playing Marco Polo and the It person yells “all in!” to catch anybody cheating by being on the pool deck and running along it? This is not about that. What I’m talking about is a mom thing.

You know how in a poker game a person pushes all his chips in on a bet and says, “All in”? You know, the move that James Holzhauer has popularized during his amazing run during Jeopardy? This is not that, it’s a mom thing I’m thinking of.

All-in, Betty White style, is much more than a move during a backyard pool game in the summer designed to catch ‘innovative’ opponents. It is so much more than betting all your chips where you win the big pot or walk away from the game to raise a stake for the next poker night.

My mom was completely invested in me from the moment I was conceived. She gave over her body so I could have a life. Mom gave up a career in the U. S. Navy so she could have me and later my sisters. She made sure I ate, drank, and was clean. She was there when I rolled over the first time, crawled, walked, ran, and sank my last competitive basket. She learned on the fly and adapted her tendencies to be better at the mom thing.

Mom put off having career until her kids were well on their way and even then, it was a career that fit and enhanced her passion of doing the mom thing rather than squeezing mom duties into her career when she could. She got me to practices and games, church, friends’ parties, and got me to drive a stick shift the first time. Even when I drove myself to college games she’d be there when there was little chance I’d come in off the bench.

She is my biggest fan and always has been. Without exception, she is the biggest fan of anything I write. Don’t get me wrong here; if what I wrote was wrong, she’d tell me to get it right. Writing this for her is little repayment for her being all-in. The best repayment I can think of is to tell her I love her with a big hug. I have just such a hug in reserve for her the next time I am up in Oregon, a virtual hug will have to hold its place and I’m embracing her as I write this.

I love you mom. Thanks for being the embodiment of the mom thing and being all-in. Your Son

if you don't know where this is, for shame!

Dear Mothers

I’ve been scrolling through my Facebook news feed and seeing posts about mothers, this being Mother’s Day this is not surprising. I’ve seen posts by mothers with their children, by children with their mothers, husbands to wives, parents to children with children of their own, and a host of other permutations that send the mind reeling and  are too long to type out for fear of not having any room to spare. In short, all my friends have mothers, are mothers, know mothers – ah! There I go again.

Nearly all of the posts are happy and loving. A few are sad, as in, “This is my first Mother’s Day since we lost mom…” and stuff like that. I read these posts and my heart goes out to those in grief and rises in joy with those who celebrate mom both here and gone.

As for me I am fortunate to have my mom (Betty), Stacey (my sister and mother to a niece and three nephews, two of them twins - no little task that, I'll assure you), my mother-in-law (Jan), my wife, and my two daughters (Ashley and Lauren) to celebrate with. To say that I am blessed by these women is to give new depth to the notion of blessings. And get this; my daughter-in-law Ani will soon join this all-star list of mothers I get to celebrate. They are fantastic, each and every one.

I’ve been around for a while and I have one or two ‘Old Guy’ shirts to prove it. One of the great bonuses of having coached girls’ sports and doing youth ministry for years is that I’ve ‘adopted’ bonus daughters – friends of my own kids, players on the teams I coached, and amazing young girls/ladies that came through the youth programs I was involved with. I’m talking about more than 45 years’ worth of women, a couple of generations’ worth.

Let’s start with La Crescenta Church of the Living word where Cindy and I were ‘youth pastors’. My friends on Facebook include re-connections with Dayna, Michelle, Kristi, Sheri, Tomi, and Sammy, to name a few. I see their loving posts, talk to them about the amazingness of parenthood, and see photos that can’t be photo-shopped to create the genuineness of their love for their kids. And this group? Some of them are enjoying grand-motherhood. See, I told you I was an old guy. They are an amazing bunch.

My bonus daughters come from friends of my kids and through my association with them at LCPC that I’d take in at the drop of a hat. And notable children of friends, (Christen). They are becoming parental units in at a dizzying rate. Kayla, Whitney, Caroline, Jennie (yes, I count wives of directors), Sarah, Renee, and Lauren. It is astounding to me how well this bunch loves their kids but it shouldn’t really, they have mothers who led the way and set the bar high.

Mothers of the caliber I’m talking about here are heroes to me. I have a few categories of people I consider heroes and one of the categories closest to my heart are the single mothers I’ve known, watched, prayed for/with, and agonized over. I’ve know these women through work, sports, and church and each one has rocked motherhood to the max. I’m thinking of Jane, Doreen, Cheryl, Betty, and Laurie, to be specific. Betty is my Harley riding great-grandmother Living Word friend. If you read that, you know she’s amazing. Laurie is special almost beyond description but I’ll try anyway. She was part of the group on my first MAZ trip that effected a spiritual healing for me I desperately needed. Later, we coached together and out that I ended up with Kayla as bonus daughter and best of friends to my daughter Lauren - both those young ladies are taking motherhood by storm.

These single moms have raised excellent daughters on their own while earning a living, supporting the household, getting their kids everywhere they needed to be, and still, they took time to help still others. My list above include a couple who took a level of responsibility that is way above the call of duty; for one reason or another they were the primary adult in the lives of granddaughters. Amazed? You should be.

Now, I know I’ve left some names out this account but I remind you of this, I’m an old guy and that’s bound to happen. If you’re a mother who’ve loved your kids and sacrificed on their behalf then you should pat yourself on the back whether you’re listed here or not. You deserve it and I applaud you. Thank you for contributing to the hope of the world.

I would be remiss if I didn’t cover a category of motherhood that is not easy to deal with as the definition is a little nebulous; spiritual mothers. They are few and far between and many of our female friends in our walks of faith fall more into the category of spiritual sisters. We’ll be lucky to have one in our whole life. My earthly mother transcends the line and has been both to me. Lois Machal has been my spiritual mother; looking after me, coaching, praying, and even pushing me. She and my mom were there during that critical time all believers have as we are coming into our own walks of faith.

One last thing, and let me be unequivocal about it, I unashamedly put my mom on the top of my list of heroes. 

Hug your mom and tell her you love her.

jerry